


Remus Lupin and the Shrieking Shack

by hoHbOi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Relationships, Jewish Remus Lupin, POV Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin-centric, Young Remus Lupin, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-10-18 15:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17583440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoHbOi/pseuds/hoHbOi
Summary: Remus Lupin is not ordinary by any definition of the word. He never had great expectations for his life, but he did not let that get him down. He never thought he would be able to go to Hogwarts or learn magic with other kids his age. Yet one day a strange wizard shows up at his doorstep and invites him into the magical world. It's all he has ever dreamed, except he's still not ordinary. He still has to hide and the threat of expulsion hangs over his head. Little does he know, he's not the only one with secrets.





	1. The Man at the Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Chapter Title: "Remus Ignores Someone Knocking for Six Minutes Straight"

Remus Lupin was not an ordinary boy by any definition. You see, there are many levels of ordinary depending on who you are using for comparison. Say you were to choose another boy of the same age living in the same area of the world, Remus would be different most obviously because of his extraordinary abilities. When Remus was angry or excited, he could make _things_ happen. _Things_ like levitating objects or setting the neighbor’s car on fire. (but that was _definitely_ not him, he was in his room the whole time how could he have lit the fire from across the street?) These were very much not expected of a typical eleven-year-old. In fact, his actions would be considered by most completely impossible for anyone of any age. That is, of course, if you were only to survey muggles (non-magic persons.) Setting fire to the neighbor’s anything was nothing special really, considering that Remus Lupin was a wizard. Or, it would be more accurate to say, Remus Lupin’s father, Lyall Lupin, was a wizard. If you were to conduct your survey of only wizard families, you would find that Remus’s abilities were actually completely normal of an eleven-year-old boy. Not just normal-they were expected. Many wizarding parents would worry over every year that passed _without_ their child demonstrating magic. But Remus’s parents never did because they had far more pressing issues to worry over. Even among the wizarding world, Remus was still not ordinary. If you were to take the definition of ordinary for a wizard his age, Remus would not fit the bill. Remus was not ordinary because of what happened to him every month, what caused the scars on his arms, what stressed his parents, the reason he could never go to school and become a real wizard. Remus was not ordinary because he was a werewolf. A sick, twisted creature of dark magic. A beast without a soul. A creature of nightmares. But despite what all the books and healers and sometimes even his own parents said, Remus would tell himself that he was _still human_.

It was a common occurrence for Remus to find himself lying awake well past the time he should be asleep telling himself exactly how human he was. He would argue with the self-deprecating voices in his head, because he knew, _he_ _knew_ , that he was human. Only one night a month, twelve days (less than two weeks) a year, he is something else. Remus Lupin was a hard-headed stubborn boy. He was stubborn beyond belief, not someone worth arguing with. So, despite what the world was telling him, Remus would not be convinced. He would spend every day of his life working against the stigma presented by his condition; he would work harder than anyone else if he had to. Of course, at the time Remus didn’t know what that meant.

Remus Lupin was eleven-years-old and supposed to be studying, but his thoughts were decidedly elsewhere. More precisely, his thoughts were all the way in Scotland. His thoughts were with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not that he knew much about Hogwarts, his father was always reluctant to tell him much from his school days. Lyall Lupin had been a Ravenclaw, though Remus was still unsure what that meant. Lyall was worried that if he shared more, Remus would get his hopes up and think he could go too. He thought he was helping his son by never speaking of that school. But Remus had never thought he _would_ go to Hogwarts. Although, he had _imagined_ it countless times. He allowed himself fantasies ranging from just wearing a tie with his house colors to mapping the entire school, changing hallways and all. Neither were ever going to happen, so what was the harm? Werewolves are too dangerous for boarding school. It’s not prejudices, it’s fact. Where would he go when he transformed? What if he broke out in wolf form and attacked a student? It was too much of a risk and Remus knew no one would think it worth taking. I mean, who would even _want_ a werewolf in their school?

Five minutes later, the same day that eleven-year-old Remus Lupin was supposed to be studying but had his mind elsewhere, Remus Lupin was _actually_ studying. Always a practical boy, he had cut his daydreams of Hogwarts short so he could finish his reading on the theory of sleeping draughts versus spells before his father returned. Having no chance of Remus attending Hogwarts, Lyall had gotten a head start on Remus’s education, and taught Remus out of his old school books. They were worn to the spine with pages falling out or missing, but because of them, Remus was further along in his studies than most young wizards his age. He enjoyed it too. He was not being graded and the pressure of deadlines and stress of school that would become so familiar in a few years had not yet ruined the joy of learning for him. Although, Remus Lupin never did lose his love for learning.

So, there he was. A small figure curled up behind a potion book much larger than his face, light brown curls just visible over _Intermediate Potion Theory._ Deeply engrossed in the book, the person at the door had to knock at least three times to break his concentration. Even then, it took another set of knocks for Remus to realize that neither of his parents were home to get the door and that he would have to. Remus allowed another couple knocks to go by as he thought about just ignoring it because he _really_ didn’t feel like getting up. However, when he realized that at least five minutes had passed since he registered the first knock, he drew the conclusion that whoever was at the door would not leave without an answer. He stood up slowly, his limbs still sore from the moon two nights ago, and as he made his way to the door, he contemplated who might be behind it. The knocks were not loud or angry, or even increasingly urgent. They were polite yet persistent. There was always about the same length of time between knocks. Remus had _no clue_ who was there. The only thing he had worked out was that whoever it was knew that Remus was home. Anyone who didn’t know that someone was home would have given up knocking long ago. No one knocks on a door for five- _six minutes_ straight without knowing for certain that there was someone inside to hear it. Still not knowing who this could be, Remus gave up on his contemplation and opened the door.

“I had been hoping that someone was home.” There was a man with long grey hair and beard waiting behind the door. Remus knew immediately that he was a wizard. Not that Remus had met many wizards, or even many people outside of his family at all. But this man was clearly magically. Remus could feel the air around him almost buzzing from the energy, much of it coming from the slender wand held loosely in one wrinkled and spotted hand. The other hand was still poised in a position about to knock on where the door had been moments ago. The man had eyes that sparkled even behind his half-moon glasses. Surprisingly, his eyes were the least magical thing about him. They were not mundane, but there was something uniquely human about them that made Remus want to trust him.

Albus Dumbledore made eye contact with the skinny eleven-year-old in front of him. The boy was pale and had scars on almost all the skin not covered by his clothes, and he surely had more under the edges of his t-shirt. This boy looked sick, but he was also brimming with life, with magic. Although Remus didn’t know it, he had his own aura comparable to the man on his doorstep. If Dumbledore’s plan was going to work, he would have to trust that the magical potential in this boy would outweigh the physical weakness. The hand that had previously been knocking on the door was then offered to the young werewolf.

Remus glanced at the hand with slight distrust. Who was this man? Why was he on Remus's doorstep? But Remus had been taught his manners and could not refuse a handshake, especially from someone so much his senior. He took the man’s hand, feeling the magic around them like a buzz of electricity. He waited for the wizard in front of him to introduce himself.

Albus gave the hand a solid shake and then spoke again, “My name is Albus Dumbledore. I’m here to deliver a letter for you from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

_What was it that Remus had asked himself earlier? “Who would even want a werewolf in their school?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this doesn't get any action, I probably won't post anything more. Sorry if you're disappointed, I have a lot of fun plans for this if I get motivated, but I didn't have the energy or really know how to fit more into this first chapter. Please Please Please let me know in the comments if you liked this or if I should keep writing!


	2. Discount Diagon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An alternative title for this chapter was, "Remus Lupin the Magical Battery." Once you read this chapter you'll think that's hilarious, okay.

Remus was riding a wave of euphoria for weeks. He was going to Hogwarts.  _He was going to Hogwarts!_ He could hardly believe it; all his fantasies would come true. He would have a house tie and be able to walk through the castle. He would study potions and herbology next to kids his own age and they could study together. He could- Merlin, he could go to the Hogwarts library! In his mind he was already strolling through dusty shelves, perusing them for whatever book he wanted. For days these thoughts were dominating his mind. He was obsessed with Hogwarts all over again. It was no longer just a daydream, hardly worth dwelling on. Now it was his future! His father, in a moment of genuine fatherly affection, had gotten a copy of  _Hogwarts a History_ out of his study. It was a touching gesture to Remus, even though he had already sneaked in and read the book several times over the past couple years. Remus tore through the book again, reading it from a whole new perspective. He asked Lyall if he could bring the book to school with him, and his father said to consider the book a gift to celebrate starting school. Remus read it again and again, this time as someone who would be able to see the school itself in a matter of weeks. He even got a muggle Highlighter from his mother and highlighted everything he wanted to see for himself. When he finished, almost every page of the book was neon yellow. He had to go get a colored pen to underline the  _really_ important stuff.

His parents watched him go through this excitement, glad that Remus was happy for once. Their life at home wasn’t terrible, or even bad at all. They had a muggle television and movie nights at least once a week. They were able to act like a happy family most of the time. But they never saw Remus get  _this_ excited over something. They had to move a lot, before anyone got suspicious, so Remus never made lasting friendships. Hope and Lyall had tried hard to be enough for the boy, but his illness put on strain on their relationship sometimes. Lycanthropy was almost a thing they didn’t talk about; whenever it was brought up, the conversation ended quickly, with at least one person in a bad mood. But he was still their boy, despite the monthly fear that came with him. They were going to miss him.

The Lupins made plans to go to Diagon Alley the day before Remus would leave. Remus had been once or twice before, on errands with his father, but again his perspective changed now that he was one of the students shopping for the school year. They entered from The Leaky Cauldron, arriving there by Floo. Lyall had to set up their Floo connection just for this, having almost completely cut off the wizarding world. It was Remus’s first time traveling by Floo, when he had gone before they had apparated. However, this time it was a full family outing and they had to take the Floo to the fireplace in the pub to all arrive together. 

For his first time using the Floo, Remus did almost well. His father had shown him just how to take a handful of the powder and throw it into the flames. Having been raised in its company, Remus trusted magic. However, there was an animal instinct in his brain calling him stupid for walking straight into  _literal fire._  Remus had been able to ignore this voice and had even remember to say “Diagon Alley” as clear as possible. He made it to the right fireplace, and only tripped a little on the way out. His mother, who was also new at it, was much more graceful. Maybe it was something that would come with age, but she didn’t cough at all from the dust; Remus was still coughing several minutes later. Maybe it was just her natural grace, something Remus had never had. 

Lyall approached the bartender, a young blue-haired witch with giant earrings shaped like stars and got a glass of water for Remus. With that, Remus gained control of himself and sheepishly thanked the woman. “No problem kid, that Floo powder will do some shit to your lungs.”

Remus looked at the woman, his parents never cursed, and he was startled by it. He checked his parents’ reactions and was a little disappointed when Lyall didn’t even notice. But he was shocked again when his mother started laughing. She didn’t laugh often, and Remus was surprised that she was laughing  _now._ After she stopped laughing, Remus heard her sigh and say under her breath, “ _wizards_ ,” like she found them incredibly amusing. And she did. 

Entering Diagon Alley from the Leaky Cauldron was magical.  _Yes_ , Remus realized belatedly,  _it’s literal magic_. But he couldn’t think of another word. He and his mother took a few moments to take it in. From that end of the alley, you could see all the way down. There were signs sticking out from every level of the tall buildings on either side. Signs boasting stores with “ _The Freshest Frog Spleen on This Side of the Equator!” or “Beetle Eyes by the Scoop! 20% Off Today Only_!” Theoretically, Remus  _knew_ that he had been there before, but today it seemed all new. It was all new because of the school list written on thick parchment in his pocket. He was there with his own knew purpose. There were hundreds of people down the street, all magical, all dressed in robes. Remus could  _feel_ their magic, all the auras swirling together from proximity. Remus felt they were a little out of place in the muggle clothes they wore around the house. His pants had patches on the knees, and he was wearing sweater that was slept in. It was a new feeling to Remus, comparing himself to others like that, and he figured it was another side effect of his new perspective. Now that he had a future, he had a reason to care what people thought. 

Lyall grumbled for a moment as his wife and son were staring at the crowded alley. Once they had at least somewhat snapped out of it, he led them down a side street neither had even noticed. It was labeled “Discount Diagon.” This alley was somehow narrower with taller buildings than the first one. It was also even more crowded, though that may have come from it having the same number of people in a smaller area. It was shabbier too, less clean. There were signs hanging the buildings, but they weren’t freshly painted, and most were hanging by only one corner. A worry that the signs would come crashing down on their heads flashed through Remus’s mind before he remembered that they were likely protected by magic still. There was also more dust and dirt dulling all the colors of Discount Diagon. No one would spend much time staring in awe at this alley. But, as Lyall explained, this was where the Lupins had to shop. Despite whatever sales were written on signs or whatever deals shop owners called out in the first alley, the price of anything on Main Diagon was out of their range. Remus had known his family was not rich, but this was the first time that he had really come to face with the fact. As a child he hadn’t asked for much. At eleven, he already felt the burden of guilt he held for all that his parents had sacrificed to keep him safe. His family moved a lot; they had not been able to hold steady jobs. Their money was already spread thin from feeding the three of them, stocking healing potions for after moons, and the cable bill.

And now he longed to be out there, on Main Diagon. He would be getting his robes tailored to him in M _adam_ _Malkin’s_ or meeting other kids while fawning over the newest broomstick. Instead, they were at  _Heather’s Hand-me-downs,_ digging through the bins of Hogwarts robes for something his size. There were other children in the shop, but this alley did not sell the kind of broomstick that could fly. Remus didn’t let his mood drop though, and they had the luck to find two different pairs of robes in his size. They were plain black with the Hogwarts Crest on one side, as all Hogwarts robes were until you got sorted. Once you were sorted, the lining would turn into your house colors. The bins had been full of the robes of the already sorted, with only a few plain black robes left. That was why they were particularly fortunate to find two sets in his size. When they went to check out, the old woman at the register who Remus guessed was Heather, told them it was Buy One Get One Free, and their luck continued. 

Shopping in Diagon, even Discount Diagon, was great. Remus felt like a normal kid. He went to a used bookstore and retrieved the books on the list that they did not already own, and his father even let him pick out a few extra. Spending more time than necessary on the choice, he finally decided on this one book that looked endlessly fascinating; it was a detailed description of every dragon known to wizards! It had moving pictures and everything. He was so enamored with the book that he didn’t put it down when they left the shop and nearly walked straight into an elderly couple. This earned a glare from both his parents at which he closed the book, not wanting to ruin their good mood. It was time to buy his wand.

Remus had been anticipating buying his wand most of all. A wand was something he had never thought he would have. Maybe it was some internalized hatred of werewolves, but he assumed that he would not be allowed to purchase one. He had figured that if the whole world thought he was a dark creature, then they probably wouldn’t give him a wand. But when he had asked his father, he learned that there were no laws against it. His father contributed this to the fact the most werewolves were turned after they had a wand and that the legislators didn’t think there would be any werewolves ever looking to a get a wand for the first time. Remus wanted to think that the world wasn’t quite as biased as his parents had made it out to be. 

His wand was the one thing that they went to Main Diagon for. “Ollivander’s is the only place to go for a wand,” his father had said. Once Remus stepped in the shop, he believed him. The magical aura of Diagon had already been almost stifling, with so many witches and wizards in one place. The longer he spent there, the more Remus could feel himself humming with it. He hadn’t yet learned how to use that magic, but for now he could just  _feel_  it. And he sure felt it in Ollivander’s. If the alley was buzzing with magic, the small shop was the center of it. Inside there were shelves upon shelves of dusty boxes. There was a counter with a tall wooden stool behind it. Perched on the stool was a small old man with wild grey hair and wide silver eyes. The man himself had an aura that was nothing special. Remus didn’t know much about how he  _felt_ magic, but in his mind this man’s aura was more like his father’s than Dumbledore’s. The magic in the shop was coming from the shelves behind the man, from the boxes. 

The man with the silver eyes watched them walk in and spoke to Remus’s father, “Ah, Lyall! 12 inches, hawthorn, dragon heart string, correct?” His keen eyes were already appraising Remus as he spoke, and Remus shifted uncomfortably under the gaze.

“Yes, um, it’s a lovely wand, still works and everything.” Lyall said awkwardly, as there wasn’t much to say about a wand you purchased so long ago.

“Of course it still works, I made it!” Ollivander grumbled, already stepping off his stool and around the counter. He gestured towards Remus, “This is your son, he will be needing a wand of his own.” It was not a question.

“Yes, this is Remus, he starts at Hogwarts tomorrow.” Lyall responded, although it was not necessary as Ollivander had already begun measuring Remus with a measuring tape pulled from the pocket of his blue robes and was muttering to himself.

When Ollivander finished his measuring, he rolled up the tape with old hands that reminded Remus of Dumbledore’s. He remarked in a casual voice although his eyes were mischievous, “You know, back in my day they didn’t let Lycanthropes into Hogwarts.” Remus started and shot a panicked look at his father.

Lyall just sighed and looked at the old man almost fondly, “Just go find him a wand, you know you’re dying to.” At that, Ollivander let out a shriek of a laugh uncharacteristically of an old man, and marched deep into the shelves. Remus was still incredibly panicked, amber eyes gone wide and his already pale face was even more so. 

_Was_ _it_ _really that obvious? Could people see it the moment they met him? How he would hide it at school!_ _?_

But then, his father assured him. “Ollivander is incredibly perceptive, but he also was probably told by Dumbledore to expect you. Don’t worry about him.”

Remus calmed down after that, and it did make sense that Dumbledore would make sure he got his wand alright. Hadn’t Remus himself been worried that they wouldn’t sell him one? Remus even got excited again when Ollivander returned, arms full of boxes. The old man was hidden behind the tower he held, and it teetered as he set them down on the counter, although none fell. As he opened the one, he said, “This one should be tricky... Never sold to a werewolf before.”

Remus knew that word should make him uncomfortable as it did his parents. His mother’s smiled had become rather rigid, and his father was looking at Ollivander less fondly. But Remus didn’t mind, Ollivander wasn’t acting from prejudice. He was just selling Remus the most important thing he would ever own and was doing his job by considering who Remus was and what wand would complement it best. At least that was what Remus  _hoped_ he was doing. 

Ollivander pulled out the wand and held in delicately in both hands, “First we’ll try one with a Dragon bone core. Responds almost exclusively to dark magic, I think it will work well wielded by a werewolf. Walnut wood, eleven inches.” He presented it to Remus.

Remus was getting nervous about picking up the wand with all the magic in the room.

_Was he the only who noticed that the room was humming with magic? What would happen when he touched one of the wands, the sources of the magic? He didn’t even want to get started on what it would mean if his wand was_ built  _for dark magic._

Everyone else was watching expectantly, so Remus did what he was supposed to, and bracingly picked up the wand.

Nothing happened.

Hope Lupin, the muggle in the room, hesitantly suggested, “Try waving it?” Remus looked at Ollivander, who nodded, and gave the wand an awkward wave through the air in front of him.

Nothing happened.

Remus handed the wand back to Ollivander, still afraid that it might explode. “Not that one?”

Ollivander was looking a little miffed, “Yes, yes, obviously not. It seems I was mistaken.” He put the wand back in its box and began sorting several boxes out of stack, pushing them out of the way, to the far end of the counter. “Not dark magic then. Oh, this will be difficult!”

“I was thinking... Well based off your aura...” Ollivander began again, pulling out a new box from the bottom of the stack.

_Aura! Remus wasn’t the only one who could see it. If only he could get more information..._

_“_ Uh, excuse me, Mr. Ollivander, but what do you mean by my aura?” Remus asked. 

Ollivander kept attempting to remove the box without knocking over the whole stack, it was comically like the muggle game  _Jenga. “_ An aura is the physically embodiment of one’s magical force. It’s old, old magic to be able to sense them, yes. But very important in a Wandmaker...” He trailed off again as several boxes nearly fell on his head and would have if Lyall hadn’t caught them with a quick levitation charm. 

Remus was not satisfied with that incredibly vague explanation but decided not to push it. He figured that he would have the chance to research it more once he got to school and had access to the Hogwarts library.

Ollivander and successfully retrieved the box and opened the lid. He took out the wand and passed it to Remus. “Cypress and unicorn hair, ten and a quarter inches, pliable.” Ollivander recited and little out of breath from his struggle. “I don’t know how it will interact with your Lycanthropy, but your auras are well matched regardless.”

As Remus took the wand, it may sound cliché, but he  _knew_ that it was the right one for him. The wood was a lighter color than the last and felt pleasantly warm in his hand. He grinned and looked up at Ollivander, who had already recognized the bond between wand and wizard. 

“Well, wave it then!” His mother said, grinning impatiently. 

Remus did.

The wand let out an explosion of energy. All the magic that Remus had soaked up walking through Diagon and in the stifling magical atmosphere of Ollivander’s store escaped at once. Remus had acted like a battery, storing the magic until the wand was able to conduct it out of him. He felt the charge pour out of him, through the wand, and into the store. He wasn’t afraid, he was relaxed. Remus finally had an outlet to release the magical tension that had been building in him. It was beautiful.

To Hope and Lyall Lupin, neither of which could sense magic, it was just a flash of light. Admittedly, it was a large flash of light, and it left them blinking rapidly, trying to dispel the after image fried on their retinas. But to them it was still just light.

To Remus Lupin and Garrick Ollivander of the famous Wandmaker family, who could see the energy itself, it was an intense explosion of magic. They were tingling from the exposure, magical senses fried as much as their retinas. It had no physical effects on the room, all the boxes were completely undisturbed, but the magic of it would linger in the air for days after. 

Once the display was over, Remus stood where he was for a second, swaying back and forth, before sinking to the floor. He hadn’t ever felt anything like it. Whenever he performed accidental magic, he had felt some release, but nothing of this scale.

_He was so relaxed... So tired..._

His father caught him quickly, laughing, “Your first time with a wand can wear you out, huh?” He helped Remus back up, “So that’s the one?” 

At some point, Remus noticed belatedly, Ollivander had started clapping. “Yes! Quite a display too!” Lyall looked a little confused, all he had seen was a flash of light, nothing extraordinary. But Hope joined in clapping, for she always enjoyed magic.

As they checked out, Remus realized that he had found success with only the second wand he tried. His father had told him to be prepared for hours of waving wands before he found the right one. That had been maybe twenty minutes. “I though you said it was going to be difficult?” Remus asked Ollivander as politely as possible, he was still very grateful for being sold a wand despite being a werewolf.

“Yes, I thought the Lycanthropy was going to be a challenge... Evidently, it had no effect.” Remus was thrilled by this alone.

_His magic was unaffected._

It was something he hadn’t even realized that he was worrying about, that being a dark creature would make him a dark wizard too. But at this information, Remus felt relieved. Ollivander held eye contact with Remus for a long moment. Remus grew uneasy, staring into the man’s silver eyes, but he couldn’t make himself look away yet. “Besides,” the old man began, “with a magical presence as strong as yours, it’s never too difficult to find a match.” He switched to a lower voice, too low to be heard by anyone other than Remus, “Be careful with that power at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin. I would hate to see any more of my wands snapped.” 

Remus did not know what to do with this ominous advice. He nodded, eyes wide, as Ollivander handed him the box with his ten and a quarter inches of Cypress. He was still dizzy from the magic that he had conducted minutes ago, and his mind was not recovered enough to multitask. He didn’t catch a word his parents spoke on the way out of the store. Nor did he hear anything as they walked back through Diagon. His thoughts were still swirling around Ollivander’s words.

“ _Be careful with that power at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin.” What was waiting for Remus at Hogwarts? Was his aura especially strong? Why would that make Hogwarts dangerous?_

But it was the last sentence that Ollivander had said that had chilled Remus to his bones.

“ _I would hate to see any more of my wands snapped.”_  

Remus knew how you got your wand snapped. That’s what they did when you got expelled. That’s what they did if you got sent to Azkaban.

_Why was_ _Ollivander_ _afraid Remus would get expelled?_

Remus didn’t have all the information, but he would get on the train tomorrow regardless. He wasn’t going to let the whispered words of one unstable old man ruin his school year. He went to sleep that night trying to dream of Hogwarts. He was actively reaching for the fantasies that he come so easily to any other night. He just wanted to think about all the good things waiting at Hogwarts. But he couldn’t. All he could think of were Ollivander’s words, and whatever they meant.

When he did sleep that night, Remus dreamt of Hogwarts. In his dream he was in class, surrounded by other kids his age. But they were all wearing fancy robes, they must have gone to Madam Malkin’s. They were all laughing at his shabby ones.

_But Lupins can’t shop on Main_ _Diagon_ _._

His dream-logic told him that if he could do some magic, they would stop. He kept looking around for his wand.

_His wand_ _’s_ _not in his pocket. His wand_ _’s_ _not on_ _his_ _desk._

Then the teacher called on him, but he didn’t know the answer. The teacher started laughing the same laugh that the students were. 

_His teacher had his wand!_

Remus tried to reach for it, but when he looked into his teacher’s eyes, they turned a cold silver.

_Silver like_ _Ollivander_ _. Silver burns werewolves._

Ollivander laughed in the dream and suddenly Remus was burning. Remus was burning and now he was holding the broken pieces of his wand. 

_His beautiful wand..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really proud of myself. This chapter is almost 4,000 words, and I got it out within a week of my first chapter. Now I don't know if what I wrote is actually any good, but I think I like how the fic is going. Sorry that I haven't even introduced any of the other marauders yet, but I really wanted to spend a couple chapters with just Remus so I could cement his background life before he went to Hogwarts. If they're not in the next chapter, I can promise you they'll be in the fourth. I already have some plans lined up, but please comment suggestions on where to take this! For example, what do you think Ollivander was trying to warn Remus about?


	3. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative chapter title: "I Don't Know If There Are Ikeas or Highlights Magazines in the UK and I Don't Care"

Remus Lupin ha d  added the trolley on the Hogwarts Express to his list of favorite things in the world.  O n that list  also were  Highlights magazines, Hogwarts, his wand, and magic.  The last three were self-explanatory, but Highlights magazines does require some further information. The short of it would be that some of his best memories were with Highlights. At eleven, he considered himself a bit old for them, but sitting alone on the Hogwarts Express he almost wished he had packed one. H e would rank the trolley above Highlights  in his list because of Chocolate Frogs .  Yes, he had added Chocolate Frogs to his list now too. It was looking like Highlights were about to be bumped out of the top 5. When the trolley came to his almost empty compartment, h e  had  purchased enough chocolate frogs to last most people until the winter break, and him maybe to the end of the ride.  Remus had  wished that he had more money to try the other sweets, but he could barely afford what he got as it is.  He looked a little guiltily at his pockets full of chocolate when he realized that he had just wasted most of his money for the year. He had looked from his ribbiting pockets to the empty compartment to the  view of countryside passing by  and  decided  there was nothing to do but pull out his book. Some part of him had been anticipating make friends and having fun the moment he stepped on the train, but that was foolish of him. He didn’t know how to make friends.

When the Lupin’s  had  said their goodbyes at King’s Cross before Remus boarded the train, it was an awkward event more than anything else.  They had stood stiffly, all too aware of the crowd of people that could overhear any of their last sentiments. Lyall had wanted to remind Remus not to let anyone know his secret, and Hope wanted to ask him for a letter after each full moon. But those were questions that when overheard could arose suspicion, so they had done that entire conversation before they left. Remus had wanted to tell his parents how scared he was to start school. He had hoped to share his fears that he wouldn’t make friends, or that he would be found out and expelled. He wanted to tell the two people he trusted about what  Ollivander  told him the day before, but he couldn’t. He saw how stressed his parents were already, and how relieved they were that Remus was going to be alright. And he couldn’t ruin it for them.  So,  he let his parents believe that he was ready for Hogwarts and just repressed his anxieties like he usually did. 

His parents love him, sure, but they also know that their lives will be so much easier once he is gone. They won’t have to care for him, house a werewolf, feed a growing boy, or even keep moving with him gone. And it goes the other way too. Remus will get better healthcare, make friends, learn more, and grow independent when he leaves. 

When both sides were so impatient for Remus to board the train, it was difficult to muster up a tearful goodbye. All Remus got was a hug from each and promises to write. He looked across the platform and saw so many kids. There were kids of all ages, from younger  ones  seeing their school-aged siblings off to the frightening ly tall  seventh years.  There were cats weaving between the crowd’s legs, and owls hooting overhead. Remus had smiled when a cat nudged against his leg. The cat was grey with shiny fur and golden eyes. He wanted to reach down and pet it but was hesitant to touch someone else’s cat. A boy wearing green robes ran by a grabbed it with a grin at Remus. Remus tried to smile back but his father grabbed his arm and turned him away. Lyall whispered, “Best not to talk to Slytherins, remember?” Lyall had told him about the deep roots of prejudice in the Slytherin house, and how he shouldn’t make it known that his mother was a muggle, or that he was at Hogwarts with financial aid, because the Slytherins would not hesitate to tease him cruelly. But the boy had seemed nice enough, and Remus felt he was the cruel one for not smiling back. 

“Do you think I could get a cat?” Remus had asked instead.

His parents smiled and his father told Remus, “Maybe if you get straight O’s.” Remus would like that; cats seem to be very nice and he could already see himself curled up in the library with a book in one hand and a cat in his lap. Maybe if he didn’t ever make any friends, he would at least have a cat for company.

Remus saw several sets of parents weeping and watched wondrously. He doubted his parents would mourn his loss for a second. Not that they didn’t love him, just not all the time. Or really most of the time.

Hope and Lyall Lupin were an odd match. At least, that’s what you would think from just looking at them. Remus mostly took after Lyall in his appearance, for his father had the same tawny curls and pale skin. Lyall was also an impressively tall person, several inches past six feet. That is what made them such an odd couple, Hope Lupin was barely over five feet. She had dirty blond hair and was not as pale as Lyall or Remus. However, she and Remus did have the same light brown eyes. The height difference was the first and most obvious contrast. The next would be that Lyall was a wizard, and Hope was a muggle. But if you knew them as Remus did you would see their similarities too. Like how Lyall had been a Ravenclaw during his Hogwarts years, and if she had the chance to be sorted, Hope would almost certainly have been one too. They both had curious spirits, were unafraid to ask questions, and prioritized raising their son as a free-thinker above all else.

But they were also both human, and both imperfect parents as such. Of course, there is really no such thing as perfect parents. Arguably, any and every form of parenting is going to fuck you child up for life. But Hope and Lyall are exactly the kind of people you would think would manage to raise a child with the lowest amount of fuck ups as possible. And Remus is sure they would have, if Remus had not been turned. Up until he was five years-old Remus lived that perfect family life. His mother sang to him at night, his father read him stories each day. He had the best of both worlds, muggle and magic. His father taught him to read on the Tales of Beetle the Bard and he got to go to Disney Land with his muggle cousins the summer before he was turned. Not that he remembers much of trip considering he was so young, just he was happy and so were both his parents. That trip to Disney was the last time he saw his muggle relatives. After he was turned, he couldn’t see anyone outside of his parents. There would have been too many difficult questions to answer. Why is Remus always sick? Where does he keep getting new scars from? The easiest answers for these would lead to child services taking him, and the true answers would  manage much  worse. So, Remus dropped out of Kindergarten the week after he began, his family  stopped going to their synagogue, and they  moved across the country for the first time of many . H e stopped seeing anyone outside of his mother and father. You could say that this was Hope and Lyall’s first mistake as parents. And Remus could hardly blame them, it’s not like they had many options. 

And they made the best of what they had. They really did try for Remus. They knew he could not have friends his own age, so they spent time playing with him at ages he should have been learning to interact with his peers. He never learned very well how to make friends because of this, and the brief times that he has had to interact with children his own age have not ended well. 

When Remus was 7, he went with Hope to Ikea. It  was  not much of an outing, but she was buying a new couch  and she let Remus stay in the kid’s room. She hadn’t planned on it, but honestly 7-year-olds are incredibly stressful, and he would be fine for an hour.

Remus was not fine for an hour. Well, he technically was fine, but he was not happy. He sat in the corner and avoided the other children for the first 30 minutes. He was honestly more afraid then than when he transformed each moon. At least he was used to life as a werewolf, he was not used to other children. He would have happily spent the second half of this time in the same corner, doing the same thing (reading a Highlights magazine) if it were not for a child his own age approaching him. He was scared! Of a short little 7-year-old girl with the messiest red pigtails he had ever seen !  (The only ones, he doesn’t get out much.) From his safe position in the future, Remus finds it  hiliar i ous  that he was afraid of a little girl with pigtails. But at the time, it was not funny at all. As a 7-year-old, Remus didn’t know what was normal. Was it okay for other children to talk to kids their own age if they didn’t know each other? Remus knew he wasn’t allowed to, but was that a werewolf rule or just a regular one? Apparently, it didn’t apply to this girl or maybe she just didn’t care about rules. This frightened young Remus even more because he  _ very much cared about rules. _

_ “ _ Will you help me with the word search?” The girl had asked while holding up her own Highlights magazine. 

Remus didn’t know what to do. If he said yes, he would be breaking the rule by talking to a stranger. If he said no, that would be rude, which is just as bad. But there was something about this girl that he liked, some weird sense he got of her that reminded him of his father. And he felt he couldn’t get in trouble for doing a  _ word search.  _ He nodded, the girl sat down next to him, and he was no longer alone in his corner.

The first strange part of this memory was that the girl had already completed her word search. Remus wondered why she asked him for help but refused to ask her when he was already so afraid of messing up. He lacked any knowledge of how he should speak to her, so he went with it. In fact, she started to help him with the Spot-the-Difference in front of him.

“It’s so much easier of you just  _ ask  _ them!” She had said excitedly. Remus remembers the almost mad grin on the 7-year-old freckled face when she explained how she had cracked the code.

“Ask them? Ask whom?” 

“Them!” She pointed at the cartoon animals on the page. The  _ inanimate  _ cartoon animals on the page. “Oh, look!” She grabbed the magazine and looked at it very hard, twisting her face up comically. 

Remus didn’t have much experience with peers, but he knew this  _ must  _ be a joke. Except, a second later, the animals started  _ moving.  _ The cow turned its head and  _ smiled at them. “ _ You’re magic!” Remus whispered excitedly. He must have been too quiet, as he often is, because the girl did not hear.

She was asking the cow and the pig for the answers and circling them with her green marker quickly. Remus was so amused, and they were laughing together. He realized that this must be what having a friend is. 

“Can you teach me? Please!” Remus had asked, because that’s something friends do, right? Share tricks?

“I don’t know... I can try but...” And Remus  had  understood, this girl was obviously a muggle born and hadn’t yet encountered other people with magic. 

“I can learn! Please, I promise!” He hoped he wasn’t bothering  her,  but he was worried she would leave if he didn’t show his own magic.

The girl grinned again, “Yeah, okay! You just hold the page, stare at it real hard, and imagine the animals talking to you. That’s what I do, but it doesn’t really work for anyone else. Don’t be afraid to try though!”

Now, of course, Remus was afraid to try. What if he failed and embarrassed himself in front of his (only) friend? But he followed the instructions. And nothing happened.

“It’s fine, I didn’t expect it to work. Look, my mom and sister are back, I  have to  go now. Bye!” The red headed girl was speaking very fast and not looking at Remus, otherwise she would have seen the absolute devastation in his face. 

She was looking instead at the entrance where a woman with a girl around 10 stood beckoning. They caught sight of her and started walking over as the girl tied her shoes. And then they were walking away ,  and Remus was losing his first friend in years without learning her name. He looked down at the magazine in defeated, only to realize that the birds that had been stationary in the sky were now soaring across the pages. “Hey wait! Look!” He called to his friend who was only half way across the small room. 

She glanced at her family before skipping back to Remus at looking at the magazine in his outstretched hands. “Woah! You did it!” Remus was so happy in that moment, so proud that he had made this girl smile like that. 

And then it all fell apart when her family appeared behind her. “Who’s this, dear?” Her mother asked while looking at Remus.  The girl tur ned to Remus too, and he realized that she didn’t know his name.

He felt all three of them looking at him, the girl, her sister, and her mother. All six eyes. And he suddenly felt very conspicuous in his worn-down clothes and scarred face. He also regretted doing his magic, because  _ oh yeah, the Statute of Secrecy is a thing. “ _ My name is Remus.”  They had smiled stiffly and told him to have a nice day. Then they had turned and left.

The family was walking away, and the girl was waving goodbye, still holding the magazine they had both enchanted. Remus remembered wanting to go ask her name, but he heard the mother already chastising her daughter for talking to a weird kid. He even heard the sister mention the strange scars on his face. And he realized then that weird, unnatural people like him don’t get  make  friends  easily . It is a terribly sad thing for him to think at 7. When his mother retrieved him 1 5  minutes later from that playroom, she asked him if he made any friends. He said no.

Four years later Remus is sitting alone on the Hogwarts Express and reflecting on how it is almost comical that one his most defining memories was in Ikea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter very fast and very sloppily, also I am Really Fucking Sorry for the absurd amount of time it has been since I posted the last chapter. If you want me to be faster about updates, please please PLEASE let me know in the comments. If I don't think anyone is reading I'm not going to keep writing, but the moment I know some one has enjoyed my work I write another 2,000 words!


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